I remember sitting down to eat dinner, feeling like everyone else at the table was just there to be an audience to me eating. Everyone is peering over the table to see how much I eat.

My chest tightened.

The next day, I woke up and remembered that I ate a full meal the night before: cue the rapid weight gain.

My heart raced.

A few days later, I had a particularly hard day. Should I skip dinner tonight? I had invested so much into my recovery already. But then how was I going to cope?

My mind spiraled.

You may be familiar with these or similar situations and thoughts throughout your own recovery journey. Anxiety is one of the biggest roadblocks during eating disorder recovery. Even those who haven’t struggled with anxiety before may find that their anxiety is at an all-time high throughout the recovery process. Fear, uncertainty, and discomfort can make recovery feel overwhelming—sometimes even tempting you to turn back to your eating disorder to reacquaint yourself with what feels familiar, helpful, and, therefore, safe.

Know that you are not alone if you are experiencing an increase in your anxiety since entering recovery. This is a common occurrence for many who enter recovery for an eating disorder. It may be helpful to hone in on the specific cause(s) of the anxiety you may be feeling in order to know how to best cope.

Why Does Anxiety Increase During the Recovery Process? 7 Reasons Your Anxiety May Be Spiking

1. Fear of Weight Gain & Body Changes

You may be experiencing heightened anxiety over the anticipation of changes in your body during the recovery process. If your experience is similar to mine, you have spent years controlling the way your body looks and feels; so, actively engaging in behaviors that may result in your body changing in ways that you spent so much time working against can feel terrifying.

To compound the fear you feel, society reinforces the idea that a thin body is ideal, that weight loss is always a good thing and that weight gain is always a bad thing, and that you will be happiest when you are small. And while you may be able to recognize now that this is problematic, if you have embodied these expectations and ideals for a long time, the anxiety of potentially moving away from the “favor” of society can be as disquieting as the thought of your body changing.

2. Physiological Changes in the Brain & Body

Engaging in restricting, binging and/or purging impacts the body physiologically. Among the many physiological impacts of eating disorders, eating disorder behaviors can impact brain chemistry. When you begin the recovery process, hormonal shifts can result in heightened anxiety, making an already challenging journey even harder.

3. Loss of Control

While not all eating disorders are about control, they can be for many. Eating disorders often provide a (false) sense of control—over food, the body, or emotions. Recovery requires giving up that rigid control, which can feel unsettling and be another cause of heightened anxiety during the healing journey.

4. Unprocessed Emotions Resurfacing

Eating disorders often serve as coping mechanisms for deeper emotions like trauma, sadness, anger, or loneliness. They can be a way to distract from and numb these emotions. When healing begins, these feelings and experiences that led to some of these feelings can resurface, leading to an increase in anxiety as you learn how to cope with these emotions without your eating disorder behaviors to “take off the edge.”

5. Relearning to Trust the Body

If you have spent years ignoring hunger cues, overriding fullness, pushing past your physical limits when working out, or otherwise disconnecting from your body’s needs, learning how to trust your body again can feel impossible. You may be at such great odds with your body that your inclination is to actually do the opposite of what it’s telling you to do. Much of my anxiety throughout my own recovery stemmed from the fact that I didn’t trust that my body was “looking out for my best interest” so to speak. I had spent so long “disciplining” my body into submission to my low-calorie diet and high-intensity work outs that eating until I was full and stopping a workout when I was exhausted felt like failing. And that “failing” is a cause of anxiety that I sometimes still have to work through.

6. Social Pressures & Diet Culture

My eating disorder functioned as a wall for me to situate myself behind when in social situations that would have given me anxiety. Instead of being anxious about social interactions, I could fixate on what I was or wasn’t eating, and how I would “win” in that social environment by eating less than everyone around me. I spent so much energy in managing my eating disorder behaviors that it, ironically, numbed any anxiety I may have otherwise had. . . Recovery often means challenging diet culture, food rules, and societal pressures that normalize disordered behaviors.

7. Fear of the Unknown

Your eating disorder gives you a frame in which to function on a day-to-day basis: a clear set of rules, a clear set of goals to achieve, and an identity to assume. Not having these can leave you feeling at a loss: you may find yourself grasping for a set of new rules, goals, and an identity to make you feel safe. Not knowing if or when you will feel at peace with your own body without your eating disorder creates a lot of anticipatory anxiety.

Stay on Track With RecoveryWhen Your Anxiety Tempts You to Quit

Recovery is not an instant fix for all of the underlying challenges that your eating disorder may have been helping you avoid. If your anxiety gets worse in the beginning stages of recovery, this is not an indication that you can’t recover, that something is irreparable in you, or that you are doing something wrong throughout your recovery journey. An increase in anxiety may even be a sign – for some– that you are doing exactly what you should be doing to promote long-term healing.

Connecting with your care team about increased anxiety throughout the recovery process is an important step to ensuring you are getting the support and resources you need throughout all parts and aspects of your recovery journey. Whether you need a specific plan in place, some extra professional support, a check-in with a trusted friend, extra downtime, and/or medication to help you work through moments, days, or seasons of heightened anxiety throughout your recovery journey, please know and remember that there is support available to you for all parts of your journey. And try to remember that your anxiety during recovery may actually be a sign of growth and healing, so keep up the incredible work you’re doing. Each step forward, even when it feels uncomfortable and your anxiety is tempting you to quit, is a step toward freedom from your eating disorder.

. By: Erika Muller, Assistant for Wildflower Therapy LLC

All images via Unsplash

How Can Eating Disorder Therapy in Philadelphia, PA Help You?

If you’re looking for someone to come alongside you to help you start or come alongside you during your eating disorder journey, our therapists in Pennsylvania are honored to help! In fact, you can get to know a little bit more about them here and book a free consultation here.

Other Mental Health Services Provided by Wildflower Therapy, Philadelphia, PA

Life is a unique and sometimes messy journey for each of us; we all have our own individual battles to fight. Our therapists know there is no one-size-fits-all approach to any of life’s challenges and because of that, we offer many unique perspectives and approaches to help meet you where you are with our Philadelphia, PA Therapy services.

We offer services for eating disorder therapy, services for anxiety, and depression, and have practitioners who specialize in perinatal mental health , maternal mental health, therapy for college students and athletes. As well as LGBTQIA+ Affirming Therapy. As you can see, we have something to offer just about anyone in our Philadelphia, PA office. Reaching out is often the most difficult step you can take to improve your mental health. We look forward to partnering with you on this journey!

7 Reasons Why Anxiety Spikes in Eating Disorder Recovery and What It Means for Your Healing