“Non-traditional Food Guilt: 13 Ways Guilt Infiltrates our Beliefs and Behaviors Around Food and Eating (That Aren’t About Calories)”
Many people in recovery experience guilt around food, but not always in the traditional “diet culture” way. You could discuss guilt around things like eating expensive food, eating for comfort, eating alone, or eating differently from family/friends.
Food guilt generally refers to the feelings of anxiety, stress, and/or shame you experience after eating something that you may –consciously or subconsciously – categorize as “bad” or “indulgent.” While experiencing food guilt isn’t an eating disorder in and of itself, it can be a contributing factor to developing one. Even if you aren’t and have never struggled with an eating disorder, you have probably felt food guilt to some degree at various points in your own life. Unfortunately, experiencing food guilt is common for many of us.
What is “Non-Traditional” Food Guilt?
Lately, I have been reading more about “non-traditional” food guilt: food guilt around food, but not necessarily related to calories, whether food is “bad” or good,” or the amount of food you eat. These things are worth talking about because we may not even realize we are trying to fit our relationship with food into a predetermined narrative — shaped not only by diet culture, but also by social expectations, familial and cultural expectations, personal experiences, emotional associations, and even past traumas.
The ways we view food and eating experiences are influenced by everything from childhood messages about eating to societal pressures around body image, making it a deeply personal and complex relationship. My own relationship with food has been complicated for a long time; it has historically been plagued by both traditional and “non-traditional” food guilt, and I didn’t realize until I was in recovery that some of the guilt I was feeling around food in a more “nontraditional” sense was complicating my relationship and journey with food, my body, and even with other people as much as some of the more traditional food guilt I experienced.
What are some examples of nontraditional food guilt? Below are examples of less traditional food guilt that you may relate to. These are not, of course, a comprehensive list of the nontraditional ways we may experience guilt related to food and eating, but they may help by giving you a sense of all the ways we experience complicated feelings around food.
13 Examples of Nontraditional Food Guilt (That Could Be Complicating Your Relationship with Food and Eating)
Eating for comfort
If you are stuck in disordered eating patterns, you may experience guilt when you eat or want to eat in the face of a hard day or challenging emotions. This might include feeling ashamed of reaching for a bowl of ice cream or a few cookies when you're stressed, anxious, or feeling low, the underlying belief being that food is not a valid or “healthy” source of comfort when experiencing hard things.
Wasting Food
This might be feeling guilty for not finishing a meal or throwing away leftovers, even when you're full or the food is no longer appetizing. This guilt may stem from messages about food scarcity, financial concerns, or the idea that wasting food is “irresponsible.” While it’s great to reduce waste where we are able, it's also important to honor your body's needs and recognize that forcing yourself to eat beyond fullness or save leftovers we know we don’t eat doesn’t actually prevent waste—it just disregards your own well-being.
Eating differently than others around you
Feeling self-conscious if you eat differently than the others who are eating around you is very real source of food guilt. It is also not a belief system rooted in any reality that others’ eating habits are somehow better than yours.
Eating convenience foods
In the age of sourdough starters [and honestly, more power to anyone who has this whole thing down pat – I love a good sourdough bread] and dinners from scratch, it’s easy to feel like you need to justify a frozen or drive-thru meal. The reality: you don’t need to justify – even to yourself – eating more convenient foods.
Eating “unethical” foods
Feeling guilty for eating non-organic, non-local, non-vegan, or other foods that don’t align with personal or societal ethical standards. I’m going to be real: I can’t even keep up with what’s ethical and what isn’t anymore, so trying to absolve ourselves of guilt by adhering to arbitrary and ever-changing standards is like trying to hit a moving target.
Eating while distracted
I will sometimes “absentmindedly” eat while scrolling, working, or watching TV and then feel guilty afterward for “not being more mindful” while eating. There are a whole host of beliefs that likely undergird this kind of guilt, but I have learned that not only is this guilt unhelpful, but it is also not rooted in any valid belief system.
Needing accommodations for food
I have literally started my order at restaurants with “Sorry” due to the fact that I have some particular restrictions and likes/dislikes that sometimes make my orders longer and more complicated than someone else’s. This kind of guilt can show up if you have dietary restrictions, allergies, or preferences that require adjustments from others.
Eating out of boredom
This guilt often stems from the belief that every instance of eating must be justified by physical hunger, rather than recognizing that food can be a source of enjoyment and can sometimes be a way to engage with your senses. Despite what we are often told, eating out of boredom is not necessarily a problem to be solved or something that demonstrates a lack of willpower. It’s a valid way to engage with your senses, and it doesn’t require a justification or explanation.
Spending money on food instead of something else
You may be struck with guilt after a grocery shopping trip, a meal out, or even when you pick up a snack when you’re running errands. You may tell yourself that that money could have been better spent elsewhere, or that you could have saved it. This guilt may come from a variety of places, but for me, it’s sometimes the evidence of an internal struggle to recognize and validate the value of food and eating in my life.
Eating alone
While some people prefer to eat alone, I don’t always feel like I can or “should” eat a “full meal” by myself. It can sometimes feel overindulgent or like something that takes up too much time. It can sometimes make you think that you should just “eat really quickly” because eating a meal is only “valid” if you are with others.
. Eating with others
Conversely, guilt can arise for some when eating with others, especially if you're self-conscious about what you’re eating compared to what others are having. It might feel awkward to eat certain types of foods or amounts of foods in a group because of the fear of judgment or comparison.
. Eating at “wrong” times
You might feel bad for eating late at night, having breakfast early, or not following a structured meal schedule. This one has been and still can be a challenge for me. Even if I am not actively concerned about calories or the “result” of eating the food, I can still get caught up in feeling guilty for eating at 3pm. My brain sometimes convinces me that, instead of eating a snack, I “really should just wait for dinner.”
Unpacking and Letting Go of (Various Forms) of Food Guilt
Our relationship with food is deeply personal, and the emotions surrounding it are often shaped by forces outside of our control, so an increasing level of awareness for how this guilt shows up in our beliefs and behaviors can be both informative and helpful. And again, while guilt around food and the eating experience is not, in and of itself, an eating disorder, it can be a symptom of or a precursor to one. If your relationship with food, like mine, is marked by a mixture of “traditional” and nontraditional food guilt, know that there are ways to help lessen, alleviate, and eliminate these feelings.
The guilt you feel around food—whether it’s about what, when, or how you eat—doesn’t mean you’re “doing something wrong.” It means that you – like many of us– have absorbed messages about food and eating that don’t serve you or your relationship with food or your body. And you don’t have to keep carrying them. You don’t have to earn, justify, or explain your eating choices to anyone—including yourself. So, if you need a sign to release some of that guilt today, maybe this is it. And if you need someone to come alongside you as you unpack and explore the origin of some of these belief systems, connecting with a professional may be a helpful step in releasing some of the guilt you didn’t even know you were carrying around food and eating.
By: Erika Muller, Assistant for Wildflower Therapy LLC
All images via Unsplash
How Can Eating Disorder Therapy in Philadelphia, PA Help You?
If you’re looking for someone to come alongside you to help you start or come alongside you during your eating disorder journey, our therapists in Pennsylvania are honored to help! In fact, you can get to know a little bit more about them here and book a free consultation here.
Other Mental Health Services Provided by Wildflower Therapy, Philadelphia, PA
Life is a unique and sometimes messy journey for each of us; we all have our own individual battles to fight. Our therapists know there is no one-size-fits-all approach to any of life’s challenges and because of that, we offer many unique perspectives and approaches to help meet you where you are with our Philadelphia, PA Therapy services.
We offer services for eating disorder therapy, services for anxiety, and depression, and have practitioners who specialize in perinatal mental health , maternal mental health, therapy for college students and athletes. As well as LGBTQIA+ Affirming Therapy. As you can see, we have something to offer just about anyone in our Philadelphia, PA office. Reaching out is often the most difficult step you can take to improve your mental health. We look forward to partnering with you on this journey!
