Community and Eating Disorder Recovery: The Power of Connection in Recovery
During my eating disorder recovery journey, I became accutely aware of how much everything in my life either helped or hindered my recovery journey. There weren’t many “neutral forces” for me at the time. While that dichotomy may not be a universal experience for everyone in eating disorder recovery, it does heighten my awareness for just how intertwined various parts of our lives can be.
I knew that who I was around was (and still is) important. I have learned and experienced just how critical who we are in community with can in terms of who we are, how we see ourselves, other people and the word, and in terms of who we become. Before taking steps to recover from my eating disorder, I didn’t realize how important my community would be in helping me heal.
In Recovery and In Life:Why Surrounding Yourself With the Right People Matters
As human beings, we crave community and connection. You’ve probably heard the familiar quotes “Birds of a feather flock together” and “Tell me who you surround yourself with, and I’ll tell you who you’ll become.” Who we surround ourselves with has a significant impact on our lives and can have a significant impact on our relationship with food and our bodies for those of us who have or are in recovery for an eating disorder.
Recovery is a physically, mentally, and emotionally vulnerable place to be, and being able to count on the people who are in your life to support you, be a soft place to land, or, at the very least, to not hinder your path to healing, is one of the most important elements of a successful recovery. Research actually shows that our ability to emotionally regulate, our success level when healing, and the longevity of our recovery can be shaped by the communities we are part of.
When Parts of Your Community Aren’t Healthy: Signs You’re in the ‘Wrong Room’
Research on the importance of the people you surround yourself with when healing from an eating disorder and just in general is also a nod to how detrimental it can be to be surrounded by the wrong people. There’s another quote by a physicist name Richard Feynman that you may have heard before: "If you're the smartest person in the room, then you're in the wrong room.” My therapist recently adapted this quote to fit something that I was contemplating: “If you’re the most emotionally regulated person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.”
I’ve thought about this a lot lately; there’s certainly an application in the context of eating disorder recovery and community. Let me first state that – from my own experience and from the research I have done – a community full of supportive team members, family members, friends, and coworkers is not the only key to a successful recovery, and NOT having this doesn’t mean that you won’t be successfully recover. Sometimes having supportive people in our corner isn’t possible in all of the circles we are in.
I have learned, though, that it is important to take a pulse on how we feel around the people we’re around: notice how they talk and act, how they react to things you share and things you don’t, how you feel after you’re with them. If you have communities of people or individual people who make you feel isolated, misunderstood, or unsupported, you may be in the “wrong room.”
When it comes to recovery, if you have friends or family members who are constantly talking about their bodies, other peoples’ bodies, the diets they are trying, or making judgments and comments about food and intake, it makes sense if you find that you are struggling in your recovery or with your body image, or if you are feeling particularly self-conscious or on edge around these people. In situations like these, it may be healthy to consider what it would look like to talk to this person, distance yourself, or remove yourself from this community.
It can be incredibly exhausting to feel like you are constantly on the defense when you are around other people, or to feel like you are working really hard at healing in a room full of people who are encouraging what you are trying to heal from. If this is the case, it is often easier to remove yourself from the environment than it is to try to change the mindset, words, or behaviors of the people around you.
Eating Disorder Recovery and Community: What the ‘Right Room’ Looks Like
How do you know you’re surrounded by the “right” people? This may look different depending on the community you are thinking about. Your expectations for your treatment community and your family, for instance, are going to be different.
The specific qualifications, philosophies, and characteristics people are looking for in treatment centers, therapists, dieticians, and other team members may vary. Ultimately, it is important to find a community of team members that align with your values, desires, and that provide an evidence-based, individualized, and client-centered approach. Our practice, Wildflower Therapy, provides eating disorder therapy in Philadelphia, PA, for example, that meets each of these criteria. Our website is a great place to start even if you aren’t in our area or one of the areas we service clients out of; it can provide language, philosophies, and a baseline for what you may be looking for in your own area.
When considering the communities you are a part of on a daily basis: your family, friends, and work or school environment, consider those who are encouraging, non-judgmental, and overall supportive of you and your journey toward healing. Sometimes there are “non-tangible” factors that can help you determine if you are with or around the right people: sometimes there is just “something” about someone or a group of people that makes you feel safe and seen. These are usually the people who inspire us to be real and to grow.
How Do I Find or Build Community When Recovering From an Eating Disorder?
Eating disorders can be isolating illnesses. People often emotionally and sometimes physically retreat from others when they are deeply struggling with their eating disorder. If you find that you have put walls up while actively engaged in eating disorder behaviors, it can feel overwhelming and daunting to try to invest someone or a group of people when you move toward healing. And while it can feel hard or awkward, this is a push out of your comfort zone that can be incredibly rewarding.
If you are looking to find or build a community that will support you throughout your recovery journey, finding like-minded people (or even just one person – a community of deeply connected individuals is often made up of only a few people) who you feel safe with can combat feeling isolated and can help you feel more optimistic and hopeful through your recovery journey. You may consider finding a virtual or in-person support group, a new hobby that helps connect you to other people who you may have things in common with, or you may trying pour more into an already existing relationship that you have.
And if you are not currently in treatment and are ready to take that step toward your healing journey, consider first seeking out a professional community. My own professional community was my biggest lifeline and a steady constant as I navigated the ebbs and flows of recovery.
Finding Strength in Connection Throughout Your Recovery Journey
Your eating disorder recovery is a personal journey, but it's not one you need to embark on by yourself. Surrounding yourself with the right people—those who inspire, challenge, and support you—can be the difference between just surviving and truly thriving throughout your recovery and beyond. There are times in life when we need others to help hold us up and us forward; if this is one of those times for you, my hope is that you are able to get the right people in your corner and that the strength they support you with during and beyond your recovery reminds you of your own.
By: Erika Muller, Assistant for Wildflower Therapy LLC
All images via Unsplash
How Can Eating Disorder Therapy in Philadelphia, PA Help You?
If you’re looking for someone to come alongside you to help you unpack and approach the the complex set of experiences and emotions that come with having and healing from an eating disorder , our therapists in Pennsylvania are honored to help! In fact, you can get to know a little bit more about them here and book a free consultation here.
Other Mental Health Services Provided by Wildflower Therapy, Philadelphia, PA
Life is a unique and sometimes messy journey for each of us; we all have our own individual battles to fight. Our therapists know there is no one-size-fits-all approach to any of life’s challenges and because of that, we offer many unique perspectives and approaches to help meet you where you are with our Philadelphia, PA Therapy services.
We offer services for eating disorder therapy, services for anxiety, and depression, and have practitioners who specialize in perinatal mental health , maternal mental health, therapy for college students and athletes. As well as LGBTQIA+ Affirming Therapy. As you can see, we have something to offer just about anyone in our Philadelphia, PA office. Reaching out is often the most difficult step you can take to improve your mental health. We look forward to partnering with you on this journey!
