Eating Disorder Recovery Wins: Vacation Edition

I recently got back from a quick trip with one of my best friends – an overnight getaway that has unintentionally become an annual tradition where we spend a couple days wine tasting, relaxing, shopping, and getting an uninterrupted night of sleep (which is - in and of itself- an absolute gift given the stage of life we are both in with littles). 

This year, I found myself noticing how different I felt during this getaway than I did during one of the girls trips we did a few years back. Among the life changes that have occurred between then and now is the work I have done in my eating disorder recovery journey. 

Noticing Recovery Wins Along the Way

During the recovery journey, the day-to-day grind can be discouraging, especially when you don’t feel great about yourself, your body, your relationship with food, or your progress. And when progress brings changes to your body and life that challenge the mental and physical state you have been in for so long, it can be hard to really celebrate recovery wins along the way. 

This trip, I realized, is one that marks some distinct recovery wins for me. My hope is that these provide some hope if you have been considering recovery, if you are in recovery and are feeling discouraged, or if you have been tempted to use eating disorder behaviors again. Some of the “little” recovery wins are actually some of the things that have transformed my day-to-day life the most, the things that have painted my once bleak days with various shades of color. Below are a large handful of the ones that stick out the most.

12 Recovery Wins: A girls trip while struggling with vs. in recovery from an eating disorder

Vacation while actively struggling with an eating disorder

1. Spent hours shopping at multiple stores for low calorie snacks to bring on the trip so I could “stay in control” of my eating while away

2. Woke up really early the morning the day we were going on our trip to go to the gym before leaving

3. Ate significantly less in the days leading up to the trip in anticipation for overeating

4. Ordered low sugar wines when going wine tasting (instead of ordering the wines that I actually wanted)

5. “Filled up” on my low calorie snacks that I brought to curb my appetite before dinner

6. Dreaded going out to dinner because I felt like I had already consumed too many calories that day

7. Ordered something I didn’t want at dinner because it was low calorie

8. Didn’t get any dessert after dinner (even though I wanted to)

9. Avoided my favorite coffee order at a cute, local coffee shop because they didn’t have the calorie information available

10. Tried to avoid going into shops that sold pastries, candy, wines, or food. When we did go into boutique food shops, I bought things to try to prove that I wasn’t struggling 

11. Feeling exhausted after walking around the city we were in for just a little bit because I was not eating enough

12. Wanting to go home more quickly solely to avoid having to eat another meal out

Vacation when well into eating disorder recovery journey

1. Stopped at one store to pick up snacks that we would enjoy, but didn’t bring bags and bags of food

2. Woke up in just enough time to spend time with my kids and get ready to go – Did not feel a compulsion to fit a workout in

3. Did not alter my eating pattern at all leading up to the trip

4. Ordered the wines that I was interested in tasting, regardless of their calorie or sugar content. 

5. Ate when I was hungry throughout the drive and the wine tour – Did not have an agenda for my eating

6. Felt excited about going out to dinner at the end of a long day, was not obsessed with picking a spot that had “low calorie” options

7.  Ordered what sounded good and felt satisfied afterward

8. Also didn’t get dessert after dinner, but this time because I didn’t want to

9. Got my favorite iced latte when we got breakfast + got my favorite pastry, too

10. Perused shops with food without resentment and also without feeling pressured to buy something to prove that I wasn’t struggling with food

11. Having the energy – mentally and physically – to walk around and enjoy a shopping day

12. Enjoyed our last day there, the breakfast and lunch we ate out, and the snacks we had on the way home, all without any anxiety about getting home to eat a meal I could control

When I situate the trips side-by-side to each other in my mind, part of me feels sad about the experience I had when I was really struggling with my eating disorder. I remember more about how closely I was monitoring my body, my intake, my experiences than I do about the conversations I had with the people I was with. 

Recovering Into a More Vibrant Life

Healing from my eating disorder allowed me to be present on this year’s girls trip. It allowed me to actually rest, to enjoy the things I was doing and the conversations I was having. I was able to feel excited about little things like my favorite coffee and trying something new for lunch. I was able to walk around without feeling so physically and mentally exhausted that I struggled to be present in a conversation. Healing from my eating disorder has helped me be a more real and lively version of myself, and it’s helped me to be a better friend. I will continue to be thankful for both the large and small recovery wins that I continue to experience along the way. And if you’re not at this point yet, I sincerely hope you read this as hope and encouragement for what you are capable of experiencing. Each of our recovery journeys come with challenges, set backs, little wins, and eventually, some bigger wins. You deserve to notice and celebrate all of the big and little wins that your recovery has brought and will bring in the future.

By: Erika Muller, Assistant for Wildflower Therapy LLC

All images via Unsplash

How Can Wildflower Therapy in Philadelphia, PA Help You?

If you’re looking for someone to come alongside you to help you unpack and approach the the complex set of experiences and emotions that come with having and healing from an eating disorder , our therapists in Pennsylvania are honored to help!  In fact, you can get to know a little bit more about them here and book a free consultation here.

Other Mental Health Services Provided by Wildflower Therapy, Philadelphia, PA

Life is a unique and sometimes messy journey for each of us; we all have our own individual battles to fight. Our therapists know there is no one-size-fits-all approach to any of life’s challenges and because of that, we offer many unique perspectives and approaches to help meet you where you are with our Philadelphia, PA Therapy services.

With this in mind, we offer services for eating disorder therapy, services for anxiety, and depression, and have practitioners who specialize in perinatal mental health , maternal mental health, therapy for college students and athletes. As well as LGBTQIA+ Affirming Therapy. Accordingly, we have something to offer just about anyone in our Philadelphia, PA office. Reaching out is often the most difficult step you can take to improve your mental health. We look forward to partnering with you on this journey!